I have a tendency to exaggerate every once in a while. Like after a round of golf I might tell you I drove the ball 300 yards when in reality it was something closer to 225. Or if I went to the gym, I might say I benched 215 lbs, when all I really did was sit in the corner and cry. But THIS…this is different. This is something I am not exaggerating about.
T.J. Haskamp on team Rollin’ Balls is the best magician I have ever seen.*
Here’s how it went down last Wednesday night.
It all started innocently enough when I came across a promotional deck of Amstel Light playing cards and decided to work some of my amazing magic on Katie “K-Tizzle” Nierzwicki. The premise was basically for her to pick a card, any card, from the deck. Then I would shuffle then deck and pull out a card….Then when it wasn’t her card, she would have to drink however many drinks I was off by. The “magic” part being that she would be drunk by the end of my trick. She loved it, so I moved around to try it out on TJ and his “Rollin’ Balls” crew. Miraculously, when I tried the trick with TJ it accidentally worked, as I picked out the right number card out of the deck. 4:52 odds…Just total blind luck. I felt pretty pleased with myself, when TJ casually took the deck and said, “That wasn’t bad, but do you want to see a real trick?” I totally thought he was fucking with me, and braced myself for some variation of “52 Pick Up.” Never in a million years did I think he was a real magician.
What happened next you would have to see (skee) for yourself to believe. He did not one, but a series of the ridiculously amazing card tricks. Slight of hand was impeccable. Myself and others gathered around him like a bunch of 4 year olds as we collectively gasped “Nuh uhhhh” and chanted “Do it again!!!” for the next 30 or so minutes. I’m pretty sure he could have had any girl in the room that night, and to be honest, he was one levitation trick away from having me switch teams.
There’s no better way to say it : “That shit was cray.”
The moral of this story is, if any of you have crazy hidden talents and have been holding out on me, I want to know about it right now!!! Not tomorrow or next week, right NOW! I’m at Glascott’s 3 nights a week, for 7 hours at a time and not drinking booze. I’m am at the point now where I am in desperate need of any additional entertainment. Hula hoop, tell me a story, tap dance….I don’t care. Hey, I think there may even be an ongoing team music/dance video contest going on right now that none of you have yet to participate in. WTF are you waiting for? You know I can give you all free drinks, right? You’re too spoiled.
In closing, TJ was a great sport about all the attention, and apparently has been performing magic six he was 6 years old. Good stuff. Now if only he and his team could magically start rolling balls into the hundo holes…That would be magical.
( *Granted, I have not seen many actual magicians in person.)
