Ladies and gentleman, welcome to JMAN’S first ever pre-skeeson rankings!

Let me start by saying I realize that some team’s names have changed, some have switched nights, and many of you have no clue who people are or what team they are on. That’s fine, and for the time being this list will be meaningless. However, that is why I will be creating a league ROLL-O-DEX (genius, I know…) and taking pictures of all the teams and having each of you answer some fun questions on Week 1. Then I will publish that into a handy dandskee reference guide so you can check back to this post and see how people stack up in the rankings.

Now, I know what you are thinking. Why are we even playing a regular skeeson if JMAN has already used his psychic powers to determined who is going to make the playoffs? It’s a valid question, as JMAN is definitely the skee-guru of all skee-gurus, but I’ve still got I’ve got 13 big reasons why no one should get too comfortable just yet. They are, in no particular order:

  1. Motorboatin Muskeeters
  2. Skeeze the Day
  3. Skeedish Bikini Team
  4. Bang Bang, Skee Skee
  5. The Big Lebowskees
  6. RiSKEE Business
  7. Skee-Man: Master of the Uniskeeverse
  8. Jamie Skee Curtis
  9. The Holy Rollers
  10. Chuck E Cheese Champs
  11. Everyone Loves a Slinskee
  12. SkeePR
  13. Skeech Powers: Saved By The Ball

That’s right, there are 13 NEW teams this year who, when thrown into the mix, are bound to cloud up the clearest of forecasts. Not only that, but there have been interesting developments in the off-skeeson that need to be noted.

Reigning league champs, SKEENAGE MUTANT NINJA HUNDOS,  were forced to reform after losing fan favorite “F”N Dave” to what has been rumored as being a botched penile reduction surgery (he did always miss left…) Instead, they are entering the year with last skeeson’s Cinderella Storskee and up coming skee-supastar AJ Livesay. The ever dangerous Kevin “McSkee” is back, this time opting to be an actual paying league member as opposed to randomly popping in at Glascott’s to mooch on late night skee just to prove he could still hit hundos like it’s nobody’s business. And finally, yours truly, “Flava Fraz” (aka the SKEE-EO) has also been lured off the sidelines and back into action. Let’s just say when you find two girls posting twerk videos on the internet who want to play skeeball, you don’t say no. Freak NaSKEE in the house!

Ok, yeah. It’s safe to say, this year it’s anyone’s game.

Without further ado…here’s JMAN and his crystal skeeball.

JMAN, Picks to Click, SKEEBALL, The SKEE League

JMAN’S Pre-Skeeson Rankings

Skeeson VI

*New Team= Unranked

Tuesday Division

1.    Oops Skee Daiskees
2.    Skee Dog Night
3.    R2Skee2
4.    Can’t Fight the Skeether
5.    Business in the front, Part-Skee in the back
6.    Mac n’ Skeez
7.    SKEE-Ball So Hard
8.    Charlie Skeens
9.    Skee-t or Die
10.  Chicken of the Skee
11.  Skeeconomics
12.  SkeeFF’s
13.  Skee More Butts
14.  BrewSKEE Ballers
15.  *Motorboatin Muskeeters
16.  *Skeeze the Day
17.  *Skeedish Bikini Team
18.  *Bang Bang, Skee Skee
19.  *The Big Lebowskees
20.  *RiSKEE Business

SKEE-EO SAYS: Pretty safe picks here. Look for “R2SKEE2” to surpass “SKEE DOG NIGHT” as #1 or #2 by the end of the skeeson and expect to see “SKEE-BALL So Hard” (newly switched over from Wednesday nights) right there in the #thicke of the competition. If “Business in the Front, Partskee in the Back” focuses more on getting down to “business” rather than “partskeeing” they could be a threat. But we all know that isn’t going to happen.

Wednesday Division

1.    WhiSKEE Dix
2.    SKEENAGE MUTANT NINJA HUNDOS
3.    Despicable Skee
4.    K-SKEE and JoJo
5.    Kamikaskees
6.    Freak NaSKEE
7.    Tenacious SKEE: The Roll of Destiny
8.    SkeePATROL
9.    Skee Wee’s Playhouse
10.  Stan MiSKEEta’s Donuts
11.  The Kelly Kapowskees
12.  Rollin’ Balls
13.  O.M.SKEE
14.  So Skee We All
15.  Crazy for Swayskee
16.  The Space Station
17.  Sconskee’s
18.  Fifty Shades of Skeeze
19.  *Skee-Man: Masters of the Unskeeverse
20.  *Jamie Skee Curtis

SKEE-EO SAYS: Good God, this league night is nasty. I think it’s safe to say that Wednesdays are the new Thursdays. You could argue that the top 3 teams in the entire league all roll on Wednesdays, though I truly believe anyone in JMAN’s top 12 could end up earning a bid to the Final Four. Everybody is that good. Rookskee teams “Skee-man” and “Jamie Skee Curtis” better plan on hitting the lanes on off-nights, because on Wednesdays, there is no room for a learning curve.

Thursday Division

1.    Kick His Ass, Skee Bass
2.    Comskeedians
3.    Skeezus
4.    Notorious B.I.SKEE
5.    2 Gingers and a Wanker
6.    Bottom Rimmers
7.    Skeetotalers
8.    That’s What Skee Said
9.    Skee-a De Los Muertos
10.  Rolly Pollskees
11.  Skee ya later, Alligator
12.  Skeez Nuts
13.  The Nurskees
14.  The Punkskees
15.  Run DMSKEE
16.  *The Holy Rollers
17.  *Chuck E Cheese Champs
18.  *Everyone Loves a Slinskee
19.  *SkeePR
20.  *Skeech Powers: Saved By the Ball

SKEE-EO SAYS: My first major disagreement. There’s no doubt in my mind that Kick His Ass, Skee Bass and Comskeedians will both make the playoffs, but you simply don’t bet against Kevin McSkee. The dude is a machine. He’s got that crazy choo-choo train back and forth rocking motion that defies logic, but at the end of the day there is no better hundo roller in the league. Not even close. Look for him and his partners, Timmy Dean and Shananana, to take “Skeesus” to the Final Four. Unless of course Shannon makes friends with the Tullamore DEW Whiskee rep, Grace, who is going to be coming in and buying people a shit ton of shots every week. Then, all bets are off.

Remember, these are JMAN’s picks. If you disagree, take it up with him. Just remember the best way to get even is to prove him wrong!

Good luck and may the force skee with you.