Once again, the annual

“Design your own Skeeball Valentine”

did not disappoint.

(I have come to look forward to this moment almost as much as the “Hey Jimmy Kimmel, I told my kid I ate all of their Halloween Candy” segment.)

Here was my judging criteria, in order of importance:

  1. Creativity

  2. Effort/ Design

  3. Skeeball Relation

I asked several unbiased Glascott’s rollers to aid me in sorting out the best of the best, but in the end the decision was mine and mine alone.

Without further ado, here’s this skeeson’s best.


#3 – Mystery Team???

This card had everything it needed to win this competition, but MISSED one of the most obvious SKEE pun opportunities of all time. “Baby Don’t Herd Skee” would have had it locked up.

This “mystery team” also didn’t write their team name on the card. C’mon now, get it togetherd! 


#2 – Live SKEE or Die Tryin’

I’ll be damned if that’s not one of the best Tom Selleck drawings I’ve ever seen. Ok, it might be the only Tom Selleck drawing I’ve ever seen, but 10/10 people would know who/what that is supposed to be. Extremely sexskee.


Nice work, LSODT! As runners up, you are all getting vintage SKEE Shirts!

Who needs a nose when you have an epic stash…

#1 – Power to the Skeeple! 

At first glance, this valentine may seem to lack the design “pizazz” of the other finalists, but it overwhelmingly makes up for it in creativity and skee puns. They created an entire valentine’s day playlist with 20 underlined skee puns in the song titles alone.

Perhaps my favorite part of all, rolling a zero = no one loves you.

Harsh but true. That’s love, for ya.


Prize: Your first round of beer is on me!

How have we never had a team named “Skeetloaf”?



#3 – John Wilkie (Skeethal Weapon)

John’s team abandoned him for Valentine’s day. That’s right. David was on vacation and who knows what happened to Steve, but John was forced to roll alone with two subs (who both rolled poorly and ultimately cost him the match.) I may or may not have been one of those subs.

Still, John could have easily gone home and cried himself to sleep, but what did do? He stayed after and designed a freakin’ Valentine!

Is it the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen? No. But it’s got love and spirit. And that’s what SKEE and Valentine’s are all about.

Prize: Mystery Gift

#2 – Freaks and Skeeks

For those of you who wrote any variation of  “Roses are Red…” here’s why you lost. The Freaks and Skeeks killed you.

Check out that handmade prize slot dispensing skeeball tickets! Amazing. Of course, bringing in outside props to a skeeball valentine contest is like bringing a gun to a knife fight. It’s totally an unfair advantage, but you’ve gotta applaud the effort.

Design is an A+++, but lost some points on the originality. Good enough to take home #2!

Prize: SKEE Shirts

#1 – Blurred Lanes

First of all, flattery gets you everywhere. You can’t draw a red hot flaming heart with my name in it and not win something.  It won’t bump their scores, but definitely doesn’t hurt in arbitrary competitions. Still, that’s not why they won. 

Blurred Lanes won because their self portraits on this Valentine are incredible. I don’t have a picture of their team off hand for comparison, but you are going to have to trust me on this one. Uncanny likeness. I knew what team it was the second I saw it.

Well done, Blurred Lanes. You may be 0-4 on the Skeeson, but they are 1-0 in my heart. 

Prize: Your first round of beer is on me!


Overall Honorable Mention: The Plain White Skees

I said no dicks goddammit!

Holy dickhole!